The title has a number of connotations:
- coming out of the fondue (see last post over a year ago);
- coming out of the house;
- coming out with one or more secrets I have kept in an imaginary closet.
Status:
Weight: 92.8kg
Bodyfat Pctge: 28.5%
HR: yes, it still beats
Last run: sometime in August '09 (I think)
Pace: you've got to be joking!
Even though it reads in the heading "Henry runs", none of that has been happening in the last twelve months.
I have done all sorts of things during that year apart from killing myself (although even that had been on my mind).
The Queen coined the phrase annus horribilis and that's what it has been for me. Am I over it? I really don't know, but when you're down the only way you can go is up.
I wandered on my very own event horizon and fortunately with the help of my family, my GP, my psychiatrist and last but not least, the pharmaceutical industry, I have been able to drag myself away from it so that, at least now, there seems to be little threat of being sucked into that black hole.
There are a number of reasons for that downfall, all too complex and in part too personal to mention, but one of them certainly was my obsessive nature and wanting to achieve all kinds of things in all sorts of areas, including running.
So whilst physical activity can provide release from stress, increase endorphin levels and so on, it can also cause illness.
I hope that this frightening experience has made me a better person. I don't think I am completely over it, nor do I think I can ever expect to be.
But according to my shrink I should get off the pills by 31 December, which is one sign of improvement.
Anti-depressants, happy pills, synaptic-tacs or whatever they are called have certainly helped, but overall for me they were rather mood-levellers, which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on which side of the happiness scale one sits on.
I definitely want to get off them.
And I want to get out and breathe in some fresh air and feel alive.
4 comments:
Great to see you post Homo - missed your face around the traps.
Hope the Black Dog is back in the kennel, so to speak.
As for running - remember the joy of running is the primary thing, achieving your personal goals secondary, whilst competing against others is unimportant.
2011- annus terrificus?
Hi Henry, I echo Epi's sentiments and glad to hear from you. Take care of yourself.
Good to see you post again. Hope 2011 is a good year for you.
Running is one tool to help us be better people, and make the most of life more. The brain functions better with that or some other form of physical activity occurring. Many people admire and look up to what you achieve, and you are in a very select group of high achieving people. That can have its down sides, but the fact remains if you have done well at something before, there is a very big likelyhood you can again. Comparisons to others are simply a tool to getting the best outcomes for oneself personally and not a very important end in itself. All the best with moving forward and standing up for real action to make the most of the considerable opportunities you have, which will open into bigger windows of opportunity if you persist. Go for it!
Thanks guys.
I really appreciate your thoughts. I hope to see you out there soon!
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